March 10, 2010
How can I gain more self esteem when picking a mate?
Embarrassing as it is to admit, I am now & have always been a jerk magnet. Now at almost 32, I’m finally beginning to realize why I have never been married & why all of my relationships fail so miserably. It’s because I give everything & get nothing in return from men who take me for granted as a result of my poor self esteem. How do I demand respect from a partner without having to ask for it & how do I exude confidence without coming off as cocky?
Suggested Reading:
I'm Gonna Like Me: Letting Off a Little Self-EsteemCelebrate liking yourself! Through alternating points of view, a girl's and a boy's, Jamie Lee Curtis's triumphant text and Laura Cornell's lively ... Read More >
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Comments on How can I gain more self esteem when picking a mate?
Respect is not demanded, but earned. You need to earn their respect as they need to earn your respect.
Start by building your self esteem. Engage in activities that you like or are good at while you become more comfortable in who you are. Once you build your self esteem, you will notice that you will attract a different kind of man.
Men go for women that they feel are accessible. Women of low self esteem are viewed to be “lower” and more “accessible” for men.
No, respect is to be EXPECTED, not earned. You shouldn’t have to earn respect, so the guy who said that is completely wrong. It can be lost, but it should be there from the start. That said, you won’t be able to attract the guys you want until you are the person you want to be. If you are falling into unhealthy relationship patterns, it is because an element of your behaviour/personality complex is unhealthy. You are desperate, or insecure, or whatever. You need to change from the inside out, and become a person who values herself, and who fundamentally knows and believes she deserves respect from her partner. There is no quick fix, and you can’t put on an act. You have to deal with whatever problems you have that cause you to enter unhealthy relationships.