How Can I Get My Husband And Two Sons To Keep Their Personal Spaces Free Of Clutter And Organized?

Bribe them, once the boys see they are rewarded and they realize how nice it is to know where to find stuff, they’ll think its great. Scolding is only make them think it is a chore that they have to do.They are the perfect ages to start to train them to be organized for life. Treating them will make them feel good about themselves. You can get further with your husband using Sugar than with Salt. Remember though no Sugar until you see results.

Unfortunantley you wont have much luck with your husband…accept the fact that he is messy and unorganized or you will lose your mind. As for the kids, all I can say is start taking away privleges once they let it go too far. Make it a nightly routine, pick up thier rooms.put away laundry, or what have you before bed or before dinner. Once they get into a routine you wont have to ask/tell it will just be expected of them!

my wife issued an ultimatum to my 4 boys…”either pick up and put away or anything laying around will go into the garbage can”…and by god, she threw stuff away…didnt matter, shoes, shirts, baseballs, etc…..she meant it and stuck by it……

this may seem harsh,but when you are at your wits end may be a last resort – call a family meeting and tell them the problem with the clutter – and that starting monday (give them time to clean) anything you come across that is in the floor or out of place will be thrown in the garbage. and stick to it – when they come home to find something they value has disapeared because it was left out of place,they will get the point that you are not playing,and be much neater. lay down the law and stick to it – no one wants their stuff trashed

im sure this question has been asked since the dawn of family life. if you get an answer that works let the world know…

My question to you is: If it is their rooms, speaking of the kids and their stuff, why are you worried about them organizing? Close the door.
Honestly, this is a life lesson for your kids and here is how you can support it.
First hold them accountable for certain things:
Basic sanitation in the bedroom. No messes that would ruin your walls and furniture, which belong to you, no messes that will attract bugs and vermin.
Basic organization of their school materials. This is essential and worth making a big deal about. I would seriously move homework outside the bedroom for this reason if they are really chaotic in the bedroom. At any rate, homework, permission slips, etc MUST be organized enough to have a productive education…and not affect you by being late, even if you have to take control of that area of the house.
Basic order and sanitation in community areas of the house. They need to pick up after themselves, or the toys disappear. Throwing them away after a lot of warnings thus far, sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to do but give them one more chance: “I will be coming into this living room in ten minutes with a trash bag. Anything that is yours that doesn’t belong in this room, is going to be thrown away. If it does belong in this room, put it up nicely.” And watch them scramble…and if they don’t, then you do what you said.
After that…well, in the bedrooms, let them live in it the way they want…but you have the glorious support of natural consequences. Do NOT rescue your kids from natural consequences. IF something gets ruined or lost, tough cookies. I would certainly not replace it. If they can’t find their baseball gloves, send them to practice without it and let the coach chew them out. Or better yet, let them be late to practice, or they can skip practice. Eventually they will either get their stuff organized or they will get kicked off the team.
When they realize that something is wrong in their world and it is an organizational problem:
“I’m sorry you can’t find your baseball glove, what are you going to do?” (don’t help them look)
“It sucks that this gotten broken. I know it meant a lot to you.”
“Wow, coach kicked you off the team? Why did that happen?” (and lead the conversation with questions until he admits it is because he wasn’t organized.)
In these situations…you have no reason to offer help but you can empathize and sympathize with the situation.
You don’t have to comment on how the tornado came through the bedroom, or nag, or rub it in that things are going wrong, in fact, your children are really hurting and frustrated at these times. You do want them to feel their own emotions, but you don’t want to fan the flames. So be kind and supportive which more than anything sets the stage for the next phase of your evil plan…
Eventually they will be in a lot of distress about their stuff getting ruined, their play time interrupted, and they will know that no one is going to save them or tell them what to do. (obviously this hasn’t been working).
This is when you keep leading them with questions until they admit that they need your help and ask for it.
“Man, you look sad, what’s wrong?”
“Something ELSE got broken? I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“This seems to happen a lot with you. Can you think of reasons why?”
” What are you going to do about it?”
“Can you do it by yourself?”
“Who do you want to help you?”
“Yes, I know how to help you, and I would be glad to.”
“I’m proud of you for wanting to take care of the problem.”
Honestly, drag it out with time for them to talk and think, listening to their frustrations, validating their feelings, etc. Hug up when you are chatting, it isn’t easy because you are basically forcing them to admit that have been careless, stubborn, and lazy, and that they don’t know what to do.
See all this discomfort really is necessary for them to understand why they should want to clean up. If there is no discomfort, there is no reason to change anything. And anyone in discomfort needs support. But the desire to make the change, no matter how old, no matter what problem you are trying to solve, has GOT to come from the person who is responsible for the problem. They need an incentive to change, and they need a nice person to help them get the answers they need.
When you are helping them organize their rooms, do it WITH THEM. Little by little, start to finish, if the kid isn’t helping you aren’t either. Start by getting boxes together and clear out the room so you can sort things.
Convincing your kids to declutter isn’t as hard as adults. They don’t get so attached to things and they are more clear headed about stuff they don’t use, esp if you tell them how much another kid might appreciate it. Don’t dictate what your child must keep or toss unless you are willing to take responsibility for a family heirloom. In other words, don’t teach your child your clutter hangups. You can be clear however, that if they give something away in hopes of getting new/better, and the item is perfectly serviceable, like their TV, it will not be replaced.
Decluttering is also a big deal because it gets some of the jumble cleared out for good.
Then sorting things together that go together, like with like, storing it where it is most handy for use.
So asking a lot of questions…letting your kids have the final say about keep or toss…talking with your kids about organizing principles in general…and letting them decide how to use those principles in their room.
“I can’t understand why you still want this, it seems too young for you, but that’s up to you. Will it be in the way?”
“I know you don’t play with this very often, should we put it on a shelf where you can ask me to reach it when you want to play with it? I would be happy to get it for you whenever you want and most of the time it will be out of the way.”
“It seems to me that when stuff is nearby where you use it, it’s easier to get it and put it away…since you read in bed, should we keep your books on this shelf by the bed?”
“What does this go with, should we keep them together?”
“These are all cars. Can they go in something that keeps them together so you know where all the cars are?”
“This shouldn’t be on the floor where it will get broken. How about this thing can sit on the floor, and we can put this on the table.”
A special outing for you two, after sorting is done and you are looking at how to arrange things, is to go to the store and look for organizers together, let him choose the style, you set the budget and look for bargains to help get the look he wants, remind him how big the containers need to be for certain things.
See the nature of this conversation? It is a two way exchange where the kid has a LOT of input, helps make decisions the whole time, does at least half of the work, and isn’t just standing there watching you do it all or worse, letting you do it while he isn’t there. This is how they learn best.
If you get things organized right, the maintenance will take care of itself…because it was a lot of work, and your kid doesn’t want it going to pieces. If, on the other hand, YOU had done the work, he wouldn’t care.
You can keep things interesting and engaging by having small talk while this is going on, which builds your relationship, having fun with it, as well as breaking the project up into smaller tasks and for short amounts of time.
“Let’s see if we can get something done in the next 15 minutes. Can you get all the games and books together? OK, you do that, and I will look for cars and trucks.” (and you can race, or keep tabs on progress so he feels rewarded.

You could move out and not come back until they learn to live like humans. If they don’t, you can live by yourself and not worry about them..

I agree with the previous posting; I myself had this problem when my children were the ages of yours. Took care of it how my mother did me. Give them instructions that they have to clean and pickup their rooms, give them 24 hours to do so and if not done, get out a garbage bag and start gathering it all, shoes, clothes, toys and all other items. Do this when they are not present. Then when they walk into their rooms, gone!!! Lesson, if you want to keep what you have and take care of it, then you have to put things in their proper places if not, since you didn’t want to take care of what you had, it goes away. That was all it took, from that day on, they cleaned their rooms when told to and things stayed nice and organized. They did not get their items back until 2 months later just to make sure that they kept their rooms cleaned for that length of time. Only downside to that was their shoes did not fit anymore but a small price for us to pay while reaping the reward of organized children. Good luck and don’t back down and give in. This lesson will be a lifelong reward to them.
Where your husband is concerned, tell him the children learn what they see their parents do.

Please let me know if you figure this out! I have never been successful with MY kids and my husband.
GOOD LUCK!!

Don’t try to change them, is my advise to you after my experience of 36 years of marriage to the same guy and having two sons. My sons are adults now and live on their own(thank goodness).
One is just like his Dad, drops everything where he finishes with it and doesn’t care how much time he has to spend looking for things the next time he wants them. (He’s the one with a motorcycle in his kitchen.)
The other son has finally got the idea that when you try to keep things where they belong you can find them easier and life can be easier. (He was the messiest when they were young.)
How only one made the change I don’t know. What I do know is that it isn’t worth trying to change people! I just kept their bedroom doors closed when there was company. If they wanted company they HAD to clean their rooms!
I learned(after many arguments) that it was easier to put all my husbands things in the cellar(where his computer, magazines, etc. are) then to even ask him to put them there himself. At least I know where almost anything he looks for is.
Doing this allows me to keep a neat, picked up, and organized house.
Good luck!!

I too am a mother with a messy husband and children. I have 3 boys and 1 girl. My husband works full time and sometimes has to be out of town. I struggle with getting them to pick up after themselves, but I have found that if I make a chore list and offer a reward such as money or going to the movies or bowling (something fun the whole family can do) they respond better. I am not saying it always works but 85% of the time it does and when we do a fun activity the family gets to spend time together which makes us closer. If rewarding them does not work then you may want to consider taking away things like video games, tv privileges, friends, etc. As for your husband he is an adult and all you can do is ask him to help out by picking up after himself. If he does so then maybe you could reward him as well, with a back rub or a simple thank you. Hope this helps!

I can honestly say there are some great articles on organization for kids and families on line. Better Homes and Gardens on line have some great articles and offer some solutions for organization that don’t cost a bundle, don’t take up a lot of room and are kid friendly. As far as your husband is concerned, well, that my friend you’ll have to either accept or figure out on your own. That problem I don’t have as he is the neat freak….

Help them to organize one last time, buy them storage containers to help out. Let them know that whatever does not get put away will be thrown out. My sister is the Queen of Toss it if it isn’t put away. Doesn’t care how much the item cost. Yikes…..

Give them a certain amount of time to get their areas picked up. If it’s not not in that time, go in with trash bag and start cleaning it up and toss it out. After a few times, they will get the message.