How Do I Get Over A Childhood Of Low Self-esteem And Shyness?

Hi Kels
I’m glad you’re getting better, and at 18 you really do have the rest of your life to move on and make a better life for yourself.
I had quite a turbulent, abusive past, and one of the things a therapist said to me at one stage, was to forgive myself. i thought that was odd, but then I realised that all the time I had been living through this abuse and neglect I was only a child. There was nothing I could do, I was dependent on the adults around me and not responsible for their actions.
What she advised me to do was to see this little child, picture her in my mind and to hug her. It’s difficult to get there, but sooner or later you can do that. You can give yourself the hug you wanted and didn’t get, you can tell that little girl that this isn’t her fault, you can give her the beginnings of self esteem and self worth that she needed then. And you can forgive yourself and let go.
It works. Once you can see that whatever happened in your life to make you lack self esteem was something you had no control over and that letting go of the past is in your hands, you can begin to make plans to release the child and become the adult.
As for the shyness, that’s a hard one sometimes. Society puts such great store on getting out there and living the life, and partying and being in the thick of it, and really, some of us are just not meant to live our lives that way.
Maybe think about joining a club, a small group that participates in something you enjoy, or even something you think you might enjoy but have never done. It’s amazing how many people do this and imagine everyone there is going to be brimming with confidence and then during the first coffee break you all discover you were all shaking in your boots and terrfied.
Start small. Set yourself a goal, something achievable, something you know you can do, if you just put in a tiny effort, and as your confidence increases you’ll find it becomes so much easier to do the bigger things. And sometimes there’s nothing wrong with just saying, ‘I’m feeling a little shy …’ people often prefer that to someone loud and arrogant taking over everything.
You can do it. Good luck

first of all.. leave the past in the past. GOD DOES NOT MAKE UGLY.you can find beauty in everyone. you did not say whether you were always put down by someone.. but that is just their opinion or maybe not.. maybe putting you down made them feel better. in any case.. get a make over.. and it doesnt have to be drastic.. new hair style..a couple of new outfits.. a facial. then tell your self the truth. I AM SOMEBODY AND I AM FABULOUS. because you r.some times shyness comes from uncertainty. brush up on current events and other subjects you can discuss with some knowledge… that will be beneficial when there is a lull in conversation.good luck

I used to have very high self-esteem, but in light of all the **** I’ve gone through lately, I would be a liar if I told you still have high sef-esteem. Be happy to know that at least you are self-conscious of your own shortcomings, and work to fix them.

I was the same way, and also because of my shyness in childhood I missed alot of the things that other kids were doing. As I got older I began to try to see myself as others saw me. I stood in front of a mirror and spoke to myself. I watched every expression that I made and I evaluated them as I went along. I got to know myself so well. I went to places where noone knew me and therefore could not judge me. It was like being an actor, I could be whomever I wanted people to think I was. Once I saw that they believed my act, I realized that ALL of the things they saw were really just me. The me that was afraid to be seen for all those years. I am no longer a shy person, and no one would ever think that I ever was shy. I was a bartender, and received big tips because of my PERSONALITY. The fact that you see that you had a problem is the first step in getting over it. There is a big world out there waiting to be discovered. Go and get it.

I am 28 years old and I barely got rid of mine. My husband helped me in that. Just being around a person that feel open and free helps. If you have a friend that is open, honest, funny and not criticizing, mean, rude and I guess like the girls on MEAN GIRLS, then hang out with her more. Ask her how she feels so Free. My husband doesn’t know it but he helped me open up and get rid of my shyness and my my low self esteem. Strust me..when it comes to low self esteem I was bad. I always told myself I wish I looked like those Victoria secret models, or why am I not popular or I always told myself “he won’t like me because I don’t look that great” and really stupid stuff like that. Don’t hang around people that make fun or criticize other people. I used to and wondered “what do they say about me behind my back”. Take care and hope this helps.

Shyness can be gotten over with practice. Put yourself in social situations and just start talking. It doesn’t matter what you say – you’ll get comfortable with it but it’ll take time. And self esteem? Just keep in mind what Dr. Suess said “Be yourself – because the people who mind don’t matter and the people who matter don’t mind.”. That and test yourself. I mean be self reliant and learn your strengths and weaknesses. You will realize that if you can come up with a list of strengths then you have things that you value about yourself. Work on making that list bigger.

you have to find something that you like to do a talent or creative outlet… then develope it. you will grow in so many ways. you will feel good about your self for accomplishing something and it may even turn out to be something that could help others in your same situation. try painting, writing or even playing music.

You need to get up out of bed, look inthe mirrow and just get over it. You’re an adult and its time to grow up.