July 1, 2010
How to overcome fear of intimacy which is due to lack of self esteem?
I have a fear of intimacy perhaps because i m low on self esteem.My biggest fear that leads to my fear of intimacy is that i m afraid i wont be able to come up to the standards of my boy friend…i might end up doing something that will turn him off. Because of that i mostly remain reserved while talking to him…am not much responsive… which he might take as my rudeness or lack of etiquetts…i m afraid to express my feelings for him though i dearly love him! please help me overcome that… suggestions about any books or websites is welcomed.
Suggested Reading:
The Lovables in the Kingdom of Self-Esteem (Loomans, Diane)A charming book filled with characters that children can relate to while learning the qualities of a positive self-image. Thirty-two pages of full color illustrations.
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Comments on How to overcome fear of intimacy which is due to lack of self esteem?
open up to a person that you feel for and they feel for you. opening up to someone will let you see how much they care for you and you will want to be intimate with them for the love you share.
Hi,
Good on you for reaching out. Fear of intimacy is very normal, especially for adolescent girls. My suggestion would be to tell your boyfriend that you want to go slow and are feeling insecure about intimacy. It will make it possible for you and your boyfriend to connect on different levels too.
I would also suggest you not push yourself by thinking you have to be intimate with him, slow is good! If you do want to and don’t feel pressured by him or anybody else, but it’s just your fear, try to just touch each other and exploring each other’s bodies by touching. If this scares you, try doing some deep breathing exercises.
If this is bothering you so much that you think it’s taking over your daily life and your relationships, you might want to have a chat with a counsellor or a psychologist. They deal with this a lot and will be able to give you some suggestions to overcome your fear.
Good luck
Improve your self-esteem.
You can only control yourself (not the other person) and do that.
Here are few things you can do:
– exercise
– tan (fake or real)
– get interested in own clothing style
– write down all the positive aspects you have in charachter, appearance and good things you do for others.
– say outloud these things to yourself every morning and evening in a mirror (even yell them!)
– compliment others
Good luck
Read The Dance of Intimacy-excellent book on the subject.
First you have to work on getting a higher self esteem. There are many ways to do this, which others have already listed below so I won’t re-list them. Once you start working on your self esteem issues you will become more confident and the fear of intimacy will start slowly disappearing.
As you become more confident in your own skin, talk with your bf and let him know that intimacy scares you and that you want to take it slow. If he loves you like you love him then he will appreciate the fact that you were able to talk with him about this and he will take it as slow as you want. Honesty is always the best policy!
Good luck!