I Need Help With Anger Management- I Am Abusing My Boyfriend Physically And Emotionally And It Has To Stop?

Don’t go of running to a counsellor, it will only cost you time and money and make you dependant on an authority for your problem. No one knows you better than you. You go to a counsellor over this and you will soon be back over something trivial. All you have to do is go to the case of your abuse. Usually it is because you are in secure about something, and you want to be in control of the relationship, do you need to be needed,? Do you have a low-self-esteem?
FACT – Two things you have to do
1) Stop abusing your boyfriend and anyone else for that matter.
2) Get over your own insecurity and develope your self-esteem.
When some people feel insecure and fearful in a relationship they will attack their partners confidence so much that they are in control, and they feel more secure and confident when their partner becomes more insecure and relying more on the abuser. That’s about power and control because the abuser fears loosing what they have got.
Do you love your boyfriend? I doubt it as when there is love there is no violence, there is respect and appreciation. So when you abuse him whether physically or mentally there is no love. And when you say you love him but sometimes loose it and lash out, that is rubbish because you cannot turn love of one minute and hit the person the next, this is not love. Do you want to go through the rest of your life like that? If not stop it now! Why do you have to go to a counsellor to stop hitting someone!!! That’s avoiding responsibility JUST STOP yourself!, its wrong and nasty. When people say love is a tide they do not understand love. If I truly love something why on earth would I abuse it????
Where there is love there is no problem, where there is no love the problem becomes complex.

Slow down
The VERY FIRST THING you need to do is talk to your boyfriend about this, making sure he FULLY understands why you get so angry. I don’t know him personally, but he might be a very understanding guy and if he wont listen, sit him down calmly, and don’t beat around the bush. be straight up
It also depends on why you get so angry
If your yelling at him, swearing etc, then you need to try and curb that QUICK. Scars heal in time, memory lasts.
My suggestion is to have something close by that you can hit instead of him, a pillow is good, or do what i do when I’m INCREDIBLY angry, and bash your mattress =P
And never feel weak and useless.
I have a suggestion for you.
Gather your friends around 1 piece of paper (this sounds stupid, but i tried it once with my school, it helps so much you have no idea)
ask them, to write something nice about you down on the paper, and pass it along, if they cant think of anything, then they can walk off.
Then whenever you feel worthless, look at the sheet
It WILL bring a smile to your face, i guarantee it =D
I hope this helps you!
Don’t be harsh

good you are ready to make the move….
Go for counselling It may help you a ton.
If you know you are doing it WHY are you doing it at the first place?
Is something nagging you? Are you worried?
Maybe there is no one else for you on whom you can remove your anger & frustration?
Is that the very sight of your boyfriend irritates you & you get impulsive?
Question yourself & I am sure you will find a answer…
Good luck to you.

Anger management is addressed in section 4, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris If you can’t deal with it by using one of the techniques, such as counting backwards from 20, to 1, (and prevent yourself from making yourself angry, in the first place) is important to express that anger appropriately, at the time, and to the person who caused it, if possible, or immediately afterwards, if not, maybe by walking away later, and bellowing your rage. In some situations, such as work, or school, it might be better to cover your mouth with a cupped hand, bandanna/handkerchief, or use the crook of your elbow, to muffle the sound. Some people find that it helps to journal those thoughts, and emotions soon afterwards. Anger, which is repressed, rather than healthily expressed, tends to fester, and later may cause explosive fits of rage, or depression. It helps to have someone you can talk to. For more physically inclined people, a punching bag, or hitting your pillow, can be an effective release mechanism: visualise, as vividly as you can, that you are striking back at the cause of that anger. ~~~ From Y!A: “But next time, when you get mad, just remember this quote: ‘Those who anger you, conquer you.’ It’s basically saying that when you give someone the power to make you mad, or let it get to you, it’s like they’re controlling you. When I realized that, it made me mad, so I try to control my anger and not let people see it. You can still control your anger without being walked all over. You just have to draw a line.”

You must get some counciling. You have self esteem issues. If you are talking about killing yourself you need help Now. There are many places that will help you. call 911 if yoy are that depressed.

Let him go till you get the help that you need!!!

Talk to your G.P. and ask him/her to refer you to your local psychology department. They should be able to offer you a 10 week programme (one hour per week). During the course you will keep an anger/incident diary which can prove really enlightening, as well as talking therapy.
I can recommend it from personal experience.
Good luck.

This is a problem that may well KILL YOUR LIFE if you don’t take care of it NOW.
You have taken the major step of admitting the problem. Good for you, it couln’t have been easy.
You are lucky that this disorder is now well-known and help is available.
Call your police station, hospital with psych services, or go on line and find an ANGER-MANAGEMENT PROGRAM.
They are in place, available, and eager to serve peole just like you. And they work if you are willing.
Don’t be ashamed, be very proud that you are smart enough and brave enough to take this step on your own without involvement with police, courts, psych wards, jail. Trust me if you don’t already know.
You go, girl- get going right NOW. The rest of your good life is waiting.

You have taken the biggest step…
Spousal abuse and battery are used for one purpose: to gain and maintain total control over the victim. In addition to physical violence, abusers use the following tactics to exert power over their wives or partners:
·Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession.
· Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you’re worthless and that no one else will want you, you’re less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
·Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, MN
·Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
·Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don’t obey, there will be violent consequences.
·Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility onto you: Somehow, his violence and abuse is your fault.
Visit
http://www.helpguide.org

well, at least it’s a situation you can get out of… if it makes you feel so frustrated you can’t find the words to resolve what you’re feeling. (if it was your child for example, you couldn’t leave). but youre right eventually you have to address why you feel you have no control over you’re actions.
you can walk away when youre feeling angry. say ” i’m feeling angry with you and i need to leave this situation”. even if it’s just temporary until you cool off.