Is It Possible To Raise Happy, Well Behaved Kids With Out Punishing?

Our kids seem to be doing just fine without artificial punishments. Take a look at the book, “Parenting with Love and Logic” for more on this. It’s been a while since I’ve read it, but I’m sure there must be some facts/research in it. I wasn’t looking for that when I read it, I was more looking for ideas that made sense to me.
If a behavior is actually ‘wrong’, then there is a ‘punishment’ built into the act of doing it. And, happily, if a behavior is ‘right’, then there is a ‘reward’ built into the act of doing it as well! All you really need to do is to help your kids to recognize that – the real reason why a behavior is right or wrong. Help them figure that out for themselves & you empower them to make choices that they can be proud of.
My biggest mistake in doing this with my son, anyway, was that I ended up making him feel *too responsible* for every mistake that he makes. If I had it to do over again, with him, anyway, I would be gentler about mistakes being a natural part of life and of learning.

In my opinion no.
Children need boundaries, and need to know them. If they disobey they should be punished. I think of punishments as time outs (depending on their age). And then when they reach a certain age, groundings, and taking certain things away. But with all of them talking things out as to why they got in trouble and such I think will help reconnect us on a good level again.
Kids can be happy, respectful and smart and well-behaved by getting punished if they do something wrong. That is how they learn. If they never get punished for something they did wrong, how does that make them more well-behaved? If anything it would make them repeat bad behavior because he knows he can get away with it.

NO. We are naturally not good, really. I mean think about it: parents NEVER have to teach kids how to be naughty or mean to others; that comes completely naturally! We DO have to teach our kids to be kind and unselfish.
Regarding punishments, I prefer to call it discipline, and also make sure that it fit the “crime.” Being overly strict and punitive makes kids angry and feel unloved, while speaking honestly with them about what they did wrong and then acting appropriately helps encourage better behavior. I know that when I felt wronged by my parents (I was a good kid and the oldest, but my parents sometimes went overboard with strictness), I felt VERY angry, and the whole thing was pointless for my choices and our relationship. I want my daughter to grow up feeling that while I will not stand for bad behavior, I will not unfairly discipline her either. She is nearly 2.5, and really understands that she cannot do certain things, and knows that Mommy and Daddy mean what they say. She also knows she is loved unconditionally and does not live in fear or anger.

Yes, I suppose it’s “possible” but rather unlikely. And as far as getting research, how would that happen? Have some parents have a kid, then raise them with no punishment at all (define “punishment” first) in a controlled setting? There will never be any research as this is something that cannot be studied in a controlled environment. It’s the same issue as the spanking debate. All studies are deeply flawed because, for one you are asking people to think back on their childhood, two noone defines the term “spanking” the same way. We need to accept noone is truly right or wrong when it comes to many of these things and noone can be proven right or wrong.

Anyone who is raised without restrictions, rules, consequences, and discipline will likely go out into the real world when they leave home expecting to do anything they like with the approval of everyone else.
This is why we discipline kids.. to teach them their behavior was improper in hopes they will think before they make the same mistake again.
I always thought about my kids’ childhoods as preparation for growing up… which included emotional education, respecting others, not judging, following rules, loving each other, and the list goes on.

You can call it what you want, but there HAS to be some sort of responsibility and/or consequence earned or gained or removed for their actions.
I most certainly DO think its possible to raise children with a more adult type of reasoning than spanking and grounding. However, there STILL has to be some sort of result for each action. I mean, in the real world if I slack my responsibilities at work, I get fired. If I slack my studying, I get a low grade. The world is NOT consequence free, and to teach children that it is, is worse than anything else you can do.

Flat out, I believe the answer to this question is no. You are the authority figure. And if you did something bad at a job against your boss (an authority figure) you’d most certainly have consequences to yuor actions. If not, how could you ever learn from your mistakes and grow as a person and mature?
Same with a child. Children are bound to mess up and do bad/wrong things. It’s apart of life and learning. But, if you never properly correct them as the authority figure, they’ll walk all over you and never learn and continue doing the wrongs things.
Punishment, doesn’t always need to be awful and harsh. But, it is most definitely a needed thing.

Yes, I do think this is an opinion question…depends on what you consider “punishing” and not punishing.
Children need boundaries and they’re growing beside the parent for the parent to teach the child manners and rules.
Without this, they would most likely take advantage of the parent and just do whatever they want. I don’t think there is such thing as the “perfect angel” because…really; we’re all human.
If a child does a wrong thing and is not told it is wrong, they will just think it’s okay and keep repeating it. Without a punishment, they won’t know what’s right or wrong.

In my opinion…it’s possible to raise kids without punishment if consequences are natural and logical.
Punishment is Punitive—Discipline is to Disciple–Teach.
It requires more time to teach–it’s easy to ground
More time to talk–television is simple
so…. Yes, I have raised two age 24 and 25 well behaved children with an 11 and 7 year old in the gates and punishment is one thing–discipline another…..

I’m not sure. My little guy is pretty well behaved and really happy 90% of the time but if you consider taking toys away and sending upstairs for time-out a punishment, then yes, I have to resort to it at times.
I think that as children test their parents’ boundaries, there will always be a need for some form of punishment.

to a degree no, since if they do something they need to know it, and why it is wrong(when they are old engough to understand of course).
Also punishment doesn’t automataicly mean spanking, which I think you should stay away from and only use with the most severe things.

yes i think u can,my mother in law raised my husband without ever spanking,(if that is what u r talking about) and she didn’t have a problem with him.but i came from a family that spanked very often,and we grew up to be resentful and mad at r parents and i plan to raise our child without hitting him.there r other ways, time out taking a toy away,early bed time,that bring the same result as spanking without ur gilt or his pain and resentment.
my thing is this: how can u tell ur child not to hit ,then hit them for hitting.

My experience is …in 20 years working with young children..and never moving beyond a time out…i think the answer is yes and how you get kids like that…is to model it and to talk about it and if they play with other children then those children need to respectful…

No. The only way to do that is to tell them what and what not to do before they do anything, and even that probably won’t work whether you can pull it off or not.

Absolutely, the Duggar kids were NEVER punished always praised and taught from their mistakes. They are just one public example.
I read their book and watched their show. A good christian read if you are intersted.

i dont think so. without showing someone the negative side of something, how would they know what they are doing is bad, or has a negative consequence?
but i think you can choose punishments that teach/make the child thinkd about what he did wrong, instead of just beating him(or her).

yes I do believe it is possible.

This is not “in my opinion”, because – pardon what will seem like bragging but not intended to – I have three children who, as little kids, were always super-well behaved and pleasant and respectful; and who, as older kids, turned out to be very nice people.
I never really “punished” them. I absolutely adored, treasured, and respected them right from the beginning; but I expected respect back. I told them right from wrong, and just kind of let them know what was expected of them when it came to generally behaving around the house, at school, and out. That’s not saying they never did anything wrong throughout their childhood, but they were generally very well behaved and well liked and respectful.
One is adopted from infancy, and because he had an injury in early infancy he had some learning problems in school. The other two were ahead when it came to school. Even the older one, though, was very mature and smart in ways not related to spelling and reading.
When they were little and doing something I didn’t want them doing I’d just kind of say something like, “Please don’t play ball in the dining room. Something could get broken. Maybe go to the family room with the ball.” My thing with older kids has always been natural consequences: If someone “forgets” their book for homework, they’ll have to deal with the consequences the next day when they have no homework to hand in and when the teacher asks them why.
The only thing I ever did that would seem like “punishment” was with my older child. He was very disorganized, and his room was always a giant challenge. I’d go in and try to help him get started with the cleaning, but there were times when I’d bag up toys he wouldn’t pick up and put them in a closet somewhere. I didn’t really present it as punishment (and it wasn’t). It was more a matter of “All this stuff is too much for you to be able to deal with. I’ll move it out of here.”
Come to think of it, my parents never punished me or my two siblings either – and we were all well behaved, polite, respectful, kids who do well in school. So, that’s six people that I, personally, know of who were raised without punishment – only lots and lots of talking about right and wrong, why things are right and wrong, etc.

Everyone learns from their past experiences. If you love your child, you will punish them when they’re naughty. You don’t need to show anger though. But children who have never been punished are rotten bratty kids, that don’t listen to authority.
There is a line between anger and abuse.
If you don’t start when they are young, then you can never teach them. Children know from a young age what is right and wrong. You can see the little glint in their eyes as they take your new sharpies and decorate the newly plastered walls, or stepping on a stool to take a cookie off the table.
Kids need to learn that there are consequences in life. You don’t want them to keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again in life. If someone speeds, does the police officer just say “Don’t do it again.” and leave? Usually, they will give the person a ticket. You are actually making it worse for the child by not disciplining them. In some cases though, the officer will excuse you and give you grace. You can give grace to children too.
Like Horses or other animals, if you don’t train them and teach them, they will be wild and spoiled.
So, give children love, but also show love by punishing them because you love them.

Oh my goodness Such A Great Question
I have three sons 21, 18, 15 and have not applied punishments. they are A students and are helpful and cheerful. the key is to remove yourself as a factor, no battle with Mom. Life Lessons. So if you dont want to put on your coat, you might get cold. Natural Consequences. I learned so much from a class I took called SystematicTraining in Effective Parenting or S.T.E.P…. you can find the workbooks online. Its awesome and it helps you think through the child’s motive (NEED) by the nature of the misbehavior. It isnt simple but it is so worth it. It is a gift to you and to your kids. Take the battle out of every equation. Does the child need feel more powerful( make lots of choices on own) or need to feel more attention (special date time) to feel loved? the nature of the misbehavior helps you understand this persons needs. Your job is to help this person learn life lessons not to control them. Its really beautiful to shift. Punishment comes from life. I get cold if I refuse to bring my coat. I survive and learn. No need to persuade of argue to bring coat. the kid survives being cold and makes his own decision. Hooray. And when they make a bad choice that I may have advised against I can love them through it, Wow a bummer how that happened, and I love you. I never say I told you so because maybe he wasnt ready to hear me. Best wishes Find the books

In my opinion, no.
I think one of the major problems with society right now is that many people are not held accountable for their actions.
When raising kids, (I have only raised 2) I think kids need to know if they do something wrong then there are consequences and that is usually in the form of punishment. I am not necessarily talking about physical punishment, I don’t think that is needed in most cases.
right now my 14 year old son has brought home a pretty bad report card. His punishment is absolutely no computer until we receive a better report card. He also knows that he will recieve nothing but food, shelter and the use of the clothes he has until a better report card comes. I wouldn’t even let him get a pack of gum at the grocery store the other day.
I don’t have perfect kids, but what I do have and most of my friends and family would tell you, is I have an 18 year old son and a 14 year old son who is respectful to all and considerate. They offer their chair to the women in the room. They hold doors open for others, they can hold intelligent conversations with almost anyone.
There is not a magic path, but I do think making kids accountable and holding to it is a good start and sure can’t hurt anyone.
In my opinion