February 2, 2010
Looking For Advice On Anger Management?
I think I have anger issues. Only with my spouse and only about once a month. Other than that I’m very patient and quiet and able to cooperate with him. I can talk to him about things that bother me but then suddenly I will lose it and even though I know how to fight fair I lose control of my emotions and get really mad and very mean to him. I feel ashamed after. I’m wondering if anyone has taken anger management courses or read any good books that helped them to deal with controlling their anger.
Suggested Reading:
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Comments on Looking For Advice On Anger Management?
I think you’ve taken a great first step in identifying that this behavior isn’t a good one. Let me ask you: Are you maybe doing something that you learned from your parent(s)? I know when I have behaved similarly that I was acting JUST like my mother! Sometimes it helps to know where the behavior is coming from, but regardless, you can learn new skills to handle stress and anger, as you seem to already know from your Q.
If you are not fighting fair, that tells me that maybe it’s more conflict resolution skills that you need than anger management, but maybe both.
You said you “lose it.” What if you watch how you’re feeling when you have the next go-round and when you start to feel like you are heading that way, toward losing it, you ask for a break? Then give yourself time to calm down, and when you feel you can get back to the discussion without losing it, you ask to sit down and talk some more. If you think this would work, let your spouse know you’re going to try this technique, and ask for his cooperation ahead of time. You don’t want to introduce a new behavior suddenly, without warning, in the heat of battle and have him wonder what’s up with that, and get defensive.
I have found that a good relationship is as much about learning to handle disagreements together without inflicting damage as it is enjoying the same things, etc.
Hope that helps!
i think that because you admitted your issue, you have started to help the situation. all you need to do is to try to stay positive and calm, and i’m sure you can figure out you anger issues