Separation During Anger Management?
Married just over 1 year, spent 4 months marriage counselling, been to psychs, he has had 4 sessions of anger management 1:1 then pulled out. My best friend, love him, am thinking separating due to heart breaking and thought it might help? Time apart may help work on the issues and see if it worth saving? Have been warned can take years, and it is management, not a change. I made the appointment for him for DR referall, and I know he was meant to take that step himself. I am seeing a psych and he can go to same one. But I’ve pretty much set an ultimatum – to go or I’m out. Or thinking of separating regardless – to give space and search my broken heart. EG. Anger at me, and others, swearing, yelling, on phone to others, anger at the vets, mechanics etc…dangerous driving, chair throwing, shoving through me. Totally verbally abusive, emotionally too. Agrees problem, wants fix but if separate won’t go. Any other experiences out there similiar/ advise?
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Comments on Separation During Anger Management?
Hi Looney…. Remember you aren’t the problem… but for right now, you are looney in the way that many people are… you love something that’s not good for you. Whether it’s chocolate cake and ice cream for a diabetic, or butter for a person with heart disease… You need to figure out WHY you don’t think you deserve better. It pains me to say it, but my wife left me when I was “wrong”.. just wrong… she had to do it. I needed it. It hurt, I was angry, and it ended in divorce. We both ended up better off…. however, the longer you stay, and I hate to say this, too…. the more he feels he can get away with. You need to protect yourself. He probably loves you dearly, but until he can act like it, it isn’t love. It could just be like an addiction for him, too. It causes an adrenaline rush, that feels good. He doesn’t like what he’s doing, but it doesn’t mean he’ll ever get better. Change is possible, permanently, but it isn’t going to happen overnight, and never if he isn’t willing. I used to be a lot like him, but nobody could change me. The change came from God and he helped me change within. And no threat, fear, anything, not jail, treatment, etc. could do it for me. And even if he is without you for awhile, he will act better for a time, but he will revert unless he has experienced the change. Staying with him will never help him. Knowing you even love him still might hinder him from changing… It’s kind of like a monster, that will change until it thinks the coast is clear, and then rear its ugly head again. Good luck, I’m around alot if you’d like to talk to me or my 2nd wife (who suffered too, and shouldn’t have).
Don’t let yourself be abused. Don’t try to hurt him in revenge, but don’t stay alone in an unchangeable situation. Please write back if you want. IXTHS