Five years ago I was a diligent student. I used to get excited while studying, I used to have dreams about being a linguist etc. But I changed since then. Now, I am a PhD student also a teacher. I have to study and work hard but I do not have the slightest wish to do anything. It’s been like that for years now. I don’t know how I managed to survive all this time idling. It’s really a wonder to me how I even finished my MA. I’m never satisfied with what I do, and plus I don’t try to be better. I want to be better but I don’t do anything to change it.

Oh, sometimes I get so desperate. I want my motivation back, I want to have that excitement I had when I used to inquire everything and learn new things.

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I work, 30 hours a week and enjoy my job. No problem there! My motivation disappears when I walk through the front door.
I have a partner who has not worked for the last 2.5 years. He does cook and he hoovers, sometimes which is great but most of the time he reads newspapers and magazines, all day! I come home and because he is sitting there, I sit there. I really want to get on with things like decorating, cleaning our damp mouldy bathroom tidying up the place, washing the curtains and cleaning the windows. But, I acheive nothing because I have no motivation.
I have tried making a list of things that need doing but, when written down, it is so overwhelming, I just can’t face it.
I have tried ticking off as I go but it is still too overwhelming so I give up.
I really need help with this, I don’t feel depressed just unable to cope.

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