What should a parent do to help their teens with controlling their anger management problems?

Try talking to you child at night before they go to bed and be as loving as you can. Who knows… your child might be struggling with something that he or she was to scared or just did not want to tell you. Try to be interested in your child’s interests and wishes talk to them about their school, work, play, and their friends.

Negative energy begets negative response. Always use positive reinforcement even when it is not easy.

I myself, was a teenage terror with a major anger issue. My mother used to tell me that when I would take one step forward, she would take one step back. I did not know how to vent my frustrations emotionally so I made them physical because I could deal with them better. I punched walls, mirrors, people and hurt myself on a regular basis. My father was a diagnosed manic depressive so needless to say, I picked up some bad behavioral habits from seeing how he dealt with is anger.

Finally, it all came to a head and my parent’s sent me to a rehabilitation center where I stayed for a few weeks. I learned there that I had to talk to someone when I was calm. The parent has to recognize the child is stressed or frustrated and give them time to themselves to calm down before attempting to bring the issue into the light. If the person with the anger problem feels threatened, they will only shut down if they feel targeted.

Try to find fun things to do that will help raise the level of trust in the relationship. It is much easier to talk to someone that you like and trust, than someone you feel is “against you”. Try art, recreational sports or just a fun trip to a concert together. Let them know you love them and want to see them happy.

They also need to know that they can write down whatever it is they are feeling…. whether they want to write down a horrible rant about how they “hate” the parent, all of their frustrations, and you (the parent) will NEVER betray their trust by reading it. If they need a non-threatening outlet for those negative feelings, let them have it.

This can be a tide-over until you get to a counselor. It should be a FAMILY counselor. It is important for them to know that you do not believe it to be THEIR PROBLEM. If they are feeling that they can not talk to you, then there is a problem with your line of communication as well. They need to know you are just as willing to fix yourself, as to see them work on themselves. A family counselor will help open the lines of communication between both parties.

Lots of talk is a good place to start. Modeling good behavior goes a long way. If you blow your top in a way that includes cursing like a sailor and throwing things how can you expect any different from your child?
Another thing that works with many behaviors is reinforcement. Reinforce (reward; praise, allowance, etc.) good behaviors especially behaviors related to their attitude and how they handle things. Its not likely that a teen loses their temper over everything, over the top reinforcement when they don’t lose it goes a long way.
Help them find solutions. Anger management involves developing alternative behaviors; exercising to relieve tension, stress management/relaxation techniques, and taking time outs from stressful situations. You can’t expect someone to utilize these tools until you teach them how.